One of the things I have had to learn over the last few years is how NOT to be afraid any more. One of the things I've learned is that if you dare to stand up to a bully, he will back off. I spent a lot of my life trying desperately to please him. Staying thin. Staying quiet. Not saying stupid things in public (things he thought were stupid anyway) until I couldn't say anything in public without having an anxiety attack.
The last couple of years have been a journey out of fear. The look on his face when he's in a bullying mood kind of hits a switch in me. I have the panic, I wonder what's coming, what he's planning, what will happen next, and what I can DO to stop it happening. But every time it happens now, I get this resolve NOT to do something. If he wants to have a paddy, let him do it. He doesn't support me with a single penny. He only gives pocket money for my son. He doesn't support us, and he doesn't have power over us. So let him throw his paddy. I'm getting stronger all the time. I'm not going to cave in and give him whatever he wants. I got out of there because my son mattered Sooo much that I had to get it together and change our lives. Jack gets more confident with every month that passes. It took a kid to make me get more confident. We aren't going backwards now.
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