non-resident parent

I am seriously trying to get out of the habit of blaming ex for everything; I need to (want to) get on with my own life, but you know, he just has this finely honed skill of buggering things up. I don't know if he does it on purpose or whether he's just so utterly thoughtless and selfish that he does it by accident. But honestly. Surely it's not beyond a moderately intelligent person to plan ahead just a teeny bit, for the sake of his son? Much more fun for ex, of course, to foul up all the arrangements and then when Jack is upset, blame it all on me. It seems like it's a game for him to see how much upset he can cause just to have another opportunity to announce that all of this is my fault.

The thing that makes me sometimes angry and sometimes almost despair, is the effect it has on Jack. He's such a little treasure, doing pretty well under his circumstances, trying his best to be nice to his Dad and postively DYING for a bit of affirmation and attention from him. But it's getting ridiculous the number of times I have got him ready, given him lots of positive encouragement about having a nice time with Daddy, and then Ex will phone and say he's not coming. Obviously for outstandingly good reasons. Like Blonde Bombshell (his pub band) is having another gig, or some long lost friend is having a 40th party. Amazingly he actually expects me to believe that all these things are planned at the last minute. That it was someone else's fault for not teling him the dates. And he would be letting them down if he didn't go. Yada, yada...

Does it not cross his mind that he's letting Jack down if he doesn't come to take him out? He always assumes that I will cancel my life to fill in for Jack (And of course I do), and, yes, it has crossed my mind that he does it to ensure that I can't have a social life. But while it's annoying for me it's absolutely heartbreaking for Jack. Eight year olds don't do perspective. I sometimes wonder what would happen if Ex could see Jack getting angry, punching the chair, saying "I HATE Dad. Why doesn't he come for me?" and then when he's finished being angry, crying his little heart out. "Daddy likes his band more than he likes me," he said last night. Maybe if Ex saw his son crying like that it would be a wake up call? But I think he might just be so cold and selfish that it wouldn't. I could equally imagine him saying (with monotonous predictability) that it's my fault.

OK. Rant over. On with the show. I got a Star Wars DVD from the Oxfam shop, so I am Mum the hero tonight. We are doing our Friday Night Treat - pizza in front of the DVD.